As I try to keep my composure from the phone call I just got off with. I’m walking into my job with tears in my eyes and a heavy heart based off the incriminating incredibly disturbing and heart-wrenching conversation of my lifetime. This man who has so blindly taken everything from me completely wrong in every aspect of what he says based off absolutely no facts, other than the lies. He refuses to look at my emails explaining the truth, he refuses to look through the case file that explains the abuse in the foster home where he says our son gained most of his abilities that he has now. Whereas everything that Sebastian has gained through my time raising him is endless as far as creativity extremely smart beyond his years speaks well and is incredibly karizmatik funny and extremely a good kid. He’s taking all of that away from me and telling me that all of those things came from the abusive foster home which he will not admit was ever abusive, even though it’s documented in CPS is files numerous times that he refuses to look through.my son’s father is creating a serious situation for the long run that will involve my son being disturbed mentally incapacitated as far as evolving into a better person with a family that loves him because of all of the confusion abandonment and wars that went on in his young age between his family members his mom and his dad and the Foster family that are also family members that he was abused in. Brandon has absolutely no idea what he’s talking about he refers to our past more than the present he’s accusing me of using drugs because I have a improv comedy website on YouTube that’s literally g-rated and hilarious and that’s what he’s basing me being on drugs off of. It’s literally something to pass the time because I’m going through turmoil and if I don’t do something that makes me laugh and gives me pleasure suches making funny videos with my father who’s also sober I believe I should have that right because otherwise I’m losing all strength I’m losing the ability to hang on I’m getting closer and closer to falling into despair and I cannot allow myself to go down that route. My son needs need to be strong he wants to come home and yet he is not allowed to speak to me. In my experience the reason I believe my son is being held for me is because he absolutely wants to come home and will not say things that his father will agree with probably the opposite and the longing that I have the heartache that I have and this year undeniable pulling to my only child is breaking me down destroying my positive energy because it feels as if everything I do falls on deaf ears everything I put out there is ignored all of the work that I’ve done for this case has literally been ignored. I’m not sure what steps to take next but I haven’t been able to speak to my son this year his father is keeping him from me I was excited so I answer the phone thinking my son would be on the phone and lo and behold it was as abusive father who will not admit any of his faults who has all of our past construed into thinking that I was the bad guy he supported us the lies go on they were documented in my CPS case I was deemed a bad mother based off the lies that were said about me over and over and over and I have to live with that because I’m stuckin a system based off values in laws and rules to protect child parental rights and completely revised the family so they can be reconnected not pawned off to other parent that has been absent not adopted out and certainly not being kept from on any level of safety sanctity survival loved at this point my son thinks I abandoned him. Unthinkable things are probably being said about me and it has absolutely done nothing for m to be still a positive thinking happy-go-lucky posting funny videos on YouTube that make me feel better going through all this I need something to keep me happy and it’s being used against me because I’m apparently making videos that are drug-related in his narrow mind, because they’re funny there comedy their improv their silly they’re goofy their g-rated but anything that can relate me to being on a substance regardless of if it’s marijuana that I use for my medicine and to keep grounded and keep happy nothing is going to stop him from trying to keep my son from me; because he believes he’s in the right. I’m reaching out again right now just to give a testimony of what just happened as it happened in while it’s still fresh in my mind because I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that my son will and is going to come home I just don’t feel very happy whenever I get off the phone with his father he has never been supportive he’s always made me feel like a horrible horrible waste of a person the way he speaks to me the way he acts the way he portrays his friends view of me is absolutely despicable and all that I can say is the friends that I talk to, that he knows , that I know , have literally backed me up on him being a bad father his nickname when I met him was “Evil” and all that has happened in between was a couple small mistakes that I’ve paid for and he made many mistakes that he will not admit to especially the one where I supported him throughout our entire relationship but that was noted as the opposite. And it was also noted that I never wanted to be a mother, wrong!!! Coincidentally but it wasn’t noted in there that he was physically abusive to me and his ex-girlfriend and my son is now living in a home with him and his current girlfriend being exposed to that and not being told what happened to his mother except she abandon him how good is that to a blooming budding young child be forced to live one place taken from his mother abused in the foster home which is being denied by his father as well as dad will not listen to reason he won’t let me speak he talks over me he yells at me he absolutely shows me no respect and when I tell him that he’s alienating our son which is a federal offense in some countries he laughs at me and tells me he’s doing the right thing because his is clearly a better parent than I can ever be, because i messed up our son. The opposite is true our son is amazing because of the way I raised him he has no flaws his characteristics his creativity, ambitions and he eats well, are all because of me; and my son’s father wants to deny that and say that it’s all because of the foster home. In which our relatives, that have been documented in CPS files numerous times, as being the reason for Sebastian’s emotional distress his issues with a lot of things came from Jen’s house he was physically abused by his younger cousin he was threatened by the mother Foster mother who is my cousin’s wife she was always speaking about me in negative curse words in cps’s files it claims that she reported she would kill me with no hesitation of what was going to be her punishment in front of my son so my son was scared of her the whole time he live there and CPS messed up didn’t follow any rules didn’t follow regulations and all I did was raise my son to the best of my ability I move to Oregon to get sober I had one relapses I’m completed all of my courses to ensure that I didn’t have a relapse. WHAT screwed me the most was when I went to court for my dependency hearing the case worker had illegally already moved my son out of the state without any court order or locating to the state notifying anyone involved that might be able to do something about it and so when the court hearing happened what my case worker gave the judge was something that made him believe that I did absolutely nothing in order to get my son back and basically told me that I was a loser and I had none of the qualifications of being a good mother based off the fact that I had not tried to complete any of the progress associated programs that I was deemed to program to finish which was also false. I wanted to put all this down before it was gone from my memory I’m sorry if I was not uplifting in this posting but I’m coming from a place of complete sadness and I believe this is probably the one text part of me the one story posted with complete emotion speaking from feelings not feeling supported not feeling comforted and just feeling absolute despair over where my son is living in what he’s being subjected to and the fact that he is not allowed to speak to me come. I did however just locate his address that’s been suppressed by means of a little bit of help from my friends if there’s anyone out there that can help a with maybe trying to connect me with some source of resources that may help me extract my son from where he has been held alienated and kidnapped basically not even filed in the system where he lives, I would greatly appreciate any resources or any type of help in that manner thank you for listening I appreciate if you could share my petition and sign it that would be of much help to me I appreciate you all and I’m grateful for having this blog and people that listen.
Since Sebastian was very young, he was a defiant child. Raising him on my own, and without financial help from his father was very difficult, so we moved a lot. Most of the time we spent was together, doing art, playing outside, doing homework, reading, or playing with Legos. We were a team, best friends, and support for each other. He is an old soul and is wise for his age. While he attended preschool, he was asked to leave 6 separate preschools. The teachers didn’t have the knowledge or capacity to assist when he had difficult behavior. I had to quit working due to the calls mid-day from his school to come pick him up; at least three times weekly. I was a supervisor at a cleaning company. My job from that point on was to find a program that would help my very bright, creative 4 year old little boy. His father and my family did not have a clue what was going on, due to their lack of communication. I was doing this alone, as it had always been before. I went to the head of the school board in Sonoma County and she initiated an IEP. Just prior to this, he was asked to leave one last school, Kiwi Preschool. This is where Dr. Kliman came into our lives. I sought out this school because he was there as a part his Reflective Network Therapy with children. As a child psychologist and compassionate, professional, and experienced MD, and advocate, he became a friend. Sebastian was able to open up with Dr. Kliman’s help, and Sebastian began coming into touch with his feelings, and how to express them safely and with proper actions. Unfortunately, Sebastian was asked to leave this school also, over a misunderstanding. Although he was starting to thrive; I had to resort to a new direction. When Mike entered our lives things got easier financially and he loved us both the same. When Sebastian finally let Mike in, they became best buds. He was the first father figure he had and we continued to stay in a loving relationship for 3 years. Early 2016 I began to loose my ability to use my legs. Then, one morning I was completely paralyzed from the waist down. My folks tried to bring a wheelchair up to my second story apartment. But we ended up having to call for an ambulance to drive me to the local hospital for an MRI. The results were unknown, but urgent. I was then rushed to UCSF ICU, neurology department for emergency Spinal Decompression surgery. The next day, when the specialist was in, he looked at my x-rays and told me that I have another surgery to undergo. This one was going to take 8 hours, and they were going to replace a vertebra with a titanium vertebra and also remove a tumor wrapping around my spinal cord. I was, at that time, diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer with Metastasized to the bone and spine. I was in shock, but not frightened. I was in the best place possible for this to have happened, UCSF has a very successful neurology team, and I felt the spirit of my grandma. After a successful surgery, I spent 2 full weeks in the ICU at UCSF. I was then sent back home, to Santa Rosa California, Memorial Hospital Rehab Facility to gain the ability to walk again. This took 3 weeks, Sebastian had to live with my folks. During that time, Sebastian couldn’t see me or talk to me; until I was moved back to Santa Rosa rehab facility. He was unsure if I was going to walk again, or going to die. Knowing I have a disease that can literally take my life, he had a hard time adjusting when he came back home to me. It was heartbreaking to see how concerned he was so for my wellbeing. He was always asking, “mom, are you ok?” Sometimes for no reason, at least 10 times a day. We were able to get back to a regular life and as time passed, Mike and I began to struggle with our relationship. Partly due to my medically induced menopause, and also because we started using methamphetamine on occasion. I soon found out he was using it more and more and I realized, quickly, that I had to get us away from the man I so loved; in order to keep my son safe. I made the decision to move us to live with my cousin and his family in Oregon.
While living with the Hundt family, we all got along and we never argued. Jennifer had I confided in each other and I told her I was a recovering addict, she confirmed that I was in a safe place to get clean. About two months later I was moving into our new place, it was the Hundt`s annual Halloween party. I hung out with the kids, sober, and the hosts maintained a child friendly party environment by keeping the drugs and alcohol outside on the back porch. And as I had never had a bad encounter with them before, an argument started over a kitten that evening after the guests went home. I went to ask Sebastian if he wanted to stay the night with the other children; still in their costumes, and kissed him goodbye. Since the argument started Jennifer was completely drunk and threatened to call the police on me, she called 911 after I left. When they came for a report she lied to them and said I grabbed my son, and told them I was on drugs. A couple days later CPS contacted me and I admitted to being a recovering addict. They thought that was enough evidence to start a case on me, even though there was no found proof of the allegations and I had no drugs or alcohol in my system. It wasn’t until 4 months later that I gave a dirty UA. That evening, while making dinner, my case worker came and took my son from me. He placed him in the care of my cousin, (foster family) my false accusers. My cousins wife, Jennifer is a bipolar, manic, alcoholic.; with a personal vendetta against me, and threatened to kill me in front of my son, and CPS.
As time went on, things for me only got worst. Jennifer was in contact with CPS reporting lies that they wrote down as facts. She was in contact with Sebastian’s father and my family also, ultimately turning my entire family against me. She could not keep her composure around my son or cps workers when speaking about me. DHS documented all of her threats and foul language about me. When she threatened to kill me, in front of Stephanie Phillips, CPS visitations worker, she was concerned and made sure her concerns were heard. There are many pages of documented concerns about the foster family, stating they believe that they are the reason for my son’s emotional distress. Nothing was ever done to reunite my son and I.